Mood: sad, depressed, hopeless, fallen
Listening to: "Loosing My Grip" by Avril Lavigne
Reading: History homework ><
Watching: Degrassi xD

~ ~ ~ ~

~Why is it everytime my life gets somewhat better it falls apart again? I don't get it, it's like I have a set fate to have everything go wrong. Crap keeps on happening, it never gets better, and instead of fixing it I'm only making it worse. It's like no one wants to listen to my problems for many reasons. How I act in general, how much they hate me, and every other reason there could be. This past first week of school was hell for me and on top of that I was freaking out almost everyday. Acting like some crazy bipolar bitch who can't make up her mind. First day, why was it the first person I see walking in the commons is him. Second day was better, got to hang out and play games during lunch. Third day, that's when it really started crashing. She showed up and was there the intire time, hugging, kissing, being happy with him. And I lost it, seeing them, when I wasn't supposed to, it hurt alot. And I don't knwo what I was thinking but I went around to all my friends and had them tell me what they hated about me, things they would never say to me up until now, when I made them. And what they had to say, that really hurt, before I had no idea they thought those things of me and it makes me ask myself, "Are they really my friends?" or do I just tell myself that to feel better. So that I could have a group I belong in... Fourth day, she wasn't there but I still flipped out during lunch and acted all weird because he was sitting a table away. And by the fifth day I gathered up the courage to go up to him, only to have him tell me to "Stay the fuck away." He would even listen to me, wouldn't care, wouldn't ever. And before I knew it, I'm being accused of "stalking" by her just for going up to him and asking to talk. And yesterday, I snapped again, I told her off and then got a new sn and IMed him and without thinking I said a lot of things I shouldn't have. A lot of things, I'll never mean. But what choice did I have? Now I regret everything, and I want to go back. Back to when I was in Kansas and start over from there. But I know no matter how much I want it, it'll never happen. I fucked up, again.. again... and there's no going back. What do I do, what do I say, I just can't let go... just can't. I just want him to listen, just listen. I know I have no standing chance, I know. But all I asked for to start with was his friendship, that's all. Asking him to care is like asking for my dead dad to come back alive... it's never gonna happen, never.

Mood: sad, depressed, hopeless, fallen
Listening to: "Loosing My Grip" by Avril Lavigne
Reading: History homework ><
Watching: Degrassi xD

~ ~ ~ ~

~Why is it everytime my life gets somewhat better it falls apart again? I don't get it, it's like I have a set fate to have everything go wrong. Crap keeps on happening, it never gets better, and instead of fixing it I'm only making it worse. It's like no one wants to listen to my problems for many reasons. How I act in general, how much they hate me, and every other reason there could be. This past first week of school was hell for me and on top of that I was freaking out almost everyday. Acting like some crazy bipolar bitch who can't make up her mind. First day, why was it the first person I see walking in the commons is him. Second day was better, got to hang out and play games during lunch. Third day, that's when it really started crashing. She showed up and was there the intire time, hugging, kissing, being happy with him. And I lost it, seeing them, when I wasn't supposed to, it hurt alot. And I don't knwo what I was thinking but I went around to all my friends and had them tell me what they hated about me, things they would never say to me up until now, when I made them. And what they had to say, that really hurt, before I had no idea they thought those things of me and it makes me ask myself, "Are they really my friends?" or do I just tell myself that to feel better. So that I could have a group I belong in... Fourth day, she wasn't there but I still flipped out during lunch and acted all weird because he was sitting a table away. And by the fifth day I gathered up the courage to go up to him, only to have him tell me to "Stay the fuck away." He would even listen to me, wouldn't care, wouldn't ever. And before I knew it, I'm being accused of "stalking" by her just for going up to him and asking to talk. And yesterday, I snapped again, I told her off and then got a new sn and IMed him and without thinking I said a lot of things I shouldn't have. A lot of things, I'll never mean. But what choice did I have? Now I regret everything, and I want to go back. Back to when I was in Kansas and start over from there. But I know no matter how much I want it, it'll never happen. I fucked up, again.. again... and there's no going back. What do I do, what do I say, I just can't let go... just can't. I just want him to listen, just listen. I know I have no standing chance, I know. But all I asked for to start with was his friendship, that's all. Asking him to care is like asking for my dead dad to come back alive... it's never gonna happen, never.

Stolen from Aki .... I'm gonna tag XD

***

Have you kissed any of your DA friends?
He's no longer on DA XD

How tall are you?
5'5"?

Where is your ideal house located?
I have two houses I've picked out here where I live, in Colorado Springs

Last person you talked to?
Online: Aki.. Phone: My sister... Person: My brother

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
yeah XD

When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
never been there, or at least I can't remember

Where was the furthest place you traveled TODAY?
My school for cheer practice T_T... >_<

Where is your current pain?
My heart...

How many rings until you answer the phone?
I dunno, depends. My cell phone, usually the first or maybe second. The hosue phoen, I just let that ring so someoen else can get it lol

Who are you most likely to drunk dial?
oh gawd, I don't even want to think of that... so many things could go wrong. I know it'd be more than one person though XD

Do your parents slap you?
yeah...

Do you use the word biznatch?
the fuck is that?

How long does it take you in the shower?
I don't know

Can you do a split?
no, XD and I'm a cheerleader, I'm suppose to be able to do one! lol

What movie do you want to see right now?
none

Whom do you want to marry?
no comment T_T

Do you own a camera phone?
nuu ;_;

Would you ever dye your hair red?
if I had a good reason

What song is overplayed?
don't know, haven't listened to the radio

How many rings are on your fingers right now?
none

Can you pump gas?
I did once or twice

What do you and your parents fight about the most?
Oh hell, my mom and I fight about everything >.<

Is your cell usually on vibrate or ring?
boths!

Are you currently reading any books?
nope

Are you afraid of Tom Cruise?
LOL! What kind of question is THAT!?! xD

What is the last letter of your middle name?
N

Are you pregnant?
uh.. no o_O wtf?

Whom did you vote for on American Idol?
didn't vote, it's LAME

How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
I used to get like 20, but now I can't sleep much so like 5, if I'm lucky

Do you drink Egg Nog?
I FUCKING LOVE EGG NOG!

What do you buy at the movies?
a ticket? XD And a movie meal if I'm hungry, lol, I'm a little kid

Do you still like the Dixie Chicks, despite the Bush Comments?
the wha..?

Do you know how to play poker?
no XD

Whom do you cheat off at school?
Well Alexandra lets me copy off her homework for history, english, and sometimes science... but I wouldn't call that cheating LOL!

Do you wear your seatbelt?
most times, yes

Anything big ever happen in your town?
YES! In matter of fact, I was BORN! XD

Ever give anyone the Rejection Hotline?
LOL! yeah, HALARIOUS!

Is your tongue pierced?
ew... no

Do you always read the DA news thingies?
the what?

Do you like odd baby names?
the fuck? I'm not even gonna waste my time answering that

Do you like funny or serious people better?
oh wow, that's a hard one...

Did you eat a cookie today?
..no... in matter of fact, I didn't... WHERE'S MY FUCKING COOKIE!??! XD

Do you have ADD?
lol, it seems like it

Ever been to Vegas?
FUCK YEAH! XD

Paris or Nicole?
Nicole, Paris is a BITCH

Do you make good pancakes?
LOL! that reminds me of the last time I tried making pancakes... I was in Kansas, visiting Lauren(was this summer). We were making giant pancakes. She has a gas stove, and me, thinking it was like every other stove where you just had to turn the knob, I was standing there for like 30 minutes letting the gas run. It wasn't until we were both getting light headed from the gas did Lauren realize I didn't start the fire for it and the gas was just running. LOL!! We had to open like every door and window just so the house wouldn't blow up. XXXD

Do you hate chocolate?
I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!

Stolen from Myspace! XD Damnit, I was hoping I wasted more than 76% of my summer


Lets see how much of your summer you wasted. put an X if it applies to you.

[x] went to your school for any reason
[x] didn't talk or hang out with most or none of your friends
[x] read a book
[x] looked through your homework from last year.
[x] babysat
total: 5

[x] went on myspace
[x] looked through your text books for next year
[ ] woke up before 11 am
[ ] went to bed before 11pm
[x] stayed in your house for 24 hours
total: 3

[x] got sick
[ ] broke a bone
[ ] started studying for next year
[x] went to grandmas house
[ ] were involved in a summer club
total: 2

[x] did NOT go on vacation
[x] did NOT go to a festivial
[x] did NOT go to a theme park (six flags, disney world)
[x] did NOT go to a concert
[x] did NOT hang out w/ your friends
total: 5

[ ] did NOT go swimming in a pool
[x] did NOT go to a party
[x] did NOT do anything for the 4th of july
[x] did NOT go to a lake
[x] did NOT go to a BBQ.
total: 4


TOTAL SCORE: 19

muiltply your total score by 4 to get your percent.

Just had to do this! xD more stuff stolen from

.... I guess my life does suck ><

[ ] You know someone that cares about you.
[ ] You have a boyfriend/ girlfriend/ fiance(e) /husband /wife.
[x] You have your own room.
[x] You own a cell phone.
[ ] You have an ipod/ mp3 player.
[ ] Your parents are still married.
[ ] You have more than 2 best friends.
[] There is a swimming pool in your backyard.
[x] You live in a house.

T O T A L: 3

[ ] You dress how you want to.
[ ] You hang out with friends more than once a week.
[ ] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[ ] You have never been beaten up.
[ ] You never cry more than twice a month.
[ ] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[ ] Your room is big enough for you.
[ ] People don't use you for something you have.
[ ] You have been to a concert.
[ ] You laugh more than twice a day

T O T A L: 0

[ ] You have over 50 friends on myspace.
[x] You have pictures on myspace.
[ ] Your parents let you have a myspace
[ ] You get allowance.
[ ] People don't make fun of you to be mean.
[ ] You look foward to going to school.
[ ] You don't wish you were someone else.
[ ] You play a sport.
[ ] You do something after school.
[x] You shower daily.

T O T A L: 1

[ ] You own a car.
[ ] You usually don't fight with your parents.
[ ] You are happy with your appearance.
[ ] You have never failed a grade in your life.
[x] You have friends.
[ ] You have so many inside jokes with friends.
[ ] You know your parents care and love you.

T O T A L: 1

[ ] You know what is going on in the world.
[ ] You care about so many people.
[ ] You are happy with your life.
[ ] You usually aren't sick.
[x] You know more than one language.
[x] You have a screen name.
[x] You own a pet.
[ ] You know the words to more than 5 songs.
[ ] You don't have any enemies.
[ ] You are happy you're living.
T O T AL: 3


Now count up the number and multiply by 2. Then repost saying 'My life is % perfect'